The Salford Crescent Killer

Stepping off the train last week
in the merry month of June.
I felt a blow reign in so hard
from a saucer-pupiled loon.

I dragged myself up on my heels
and dusted off my jeans,
and felt the blood run from my eye
a steady crimson stream.

Not quick enough to make my move
the spineless twat ran free,
but the resonance
of our short embrace,
well it wasn’t lost on me.

I could have been a hero
if I’d only got one back.
One decent crashing blow
would’ve knocked him on his back.

I’m the self styled
Salford Crescent Killer,
and I’m here to put things straight.
No job too big,
no job too small,
no need to fucking wait.

I’m the self styled
Salford Crescent Killer,
against the Salford Crescent Crank
When the papers find out what I’ve done
it’ll be money in the bank.

I can see me there on Parky,
having dinner with the Queen
Telegrams from famous faces,
for the bravery they’ve seen.

1-800 SALF CRES KILL,
advertising shaving foam.
You’ll even get a ding ding ding
Crescent Killer mobile tone.

I’m the self styled
Salford Crescent Killer,
and I’m here to put things straight.
I’ll take on all the scum
for a monthly low cost rate.

I’m the self styled
Salford Crescent Killer,
against the Salford Crescent Crank.
When De Niro plays me on the screen
it’ll be money in the bank.